My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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