she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
