I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you inspire me to be a worse person
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
