I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
