He disabled his match.com account in front of me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
