I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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