reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize