my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
