did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
