i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
