After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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