Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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