Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
