I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
