goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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