Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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