that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize