Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
