I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
