He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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