WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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