chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
