Girls should come with a carfax report
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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