If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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