woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
