I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
