I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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