I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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