we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
