You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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