Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
