something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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