I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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