you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
