So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
