quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
