maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
