those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
