Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
