she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
