I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize