How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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