wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
