I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
