You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
