I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
