I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
