i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Randomize
