Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
