What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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