I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
