Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I need water and some morals
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
