Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
