It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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