went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Will exercising make me less horny?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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