brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The feeling are messing with the penis
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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