I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
