he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
