Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Found your dick twin last night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
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