you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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