the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
