I don't usually arrange sex via text message
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize