U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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