Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I am one with the molecules
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
