Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
