I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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