Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So much rum. So many feels.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
